what I would give to just jump in a pool-
Beads of salty sweat drip off my brow,
I think to myself boy I could eat a cow-
Sand beneath my feet and buzzards around my head,
I've rechecked my pulse and sorry friends, but I ain't dead-
The falls at my left and a fall at my right,
I can walk around The Bend and be outta sight-
Arid, vast, and beautiful, Mother has given this to us,
if you don't have the patience then start to cuss-
Beautiful yet dangerous be sure to look around,
for tarantulas, scorpions, and cactus inhabit this ground-
Behind the Christmas the sun starts to set,
will I get to camp in time? I wouldn't bet-
Some call in heaven others call it hell,
trust me, out here there is no dinner bell-
Do what you want and want what you will,
but if you never explore then who must you kill?
Hey Cole.
ReplyDeleteThank you for making me smile by writing "I think to myself boy I could eat a cow". You have the beginnings of a voice that's surprising and funny, and it comes out when you write lines like this.
A note: you don't have to write poems that rhyme; what makes the poem is the idea behind it. So let the idea come out, and remove the distractions so that your needy readers can get your message :)
What were you thinking about when you were writing this poem? Get at the core of that idea, and then, in your own way, write about it as simply as possible.
Cole,
ReplyDeleteI really like the vivid scene that this poem creates. It's nice that you focused on one core image and developed it fully. The only part that kind of confused me was the part about Christmas. I didn't quite grasp the meaning behind its reference. If there would be any way to reference it again in the poem or make a connection that might help readers understand your message.
I like the survivor's instinct feel of the poem. The imagery was strong and abstract. It reminds me of a famous abstract painting. Very Cool. You truly painted a picture.
ReplyDelete